Archive for Random Thoughts & Rantings

F***ING THIEVING C**TS!!!!!!!!!

Stolen in a walk-in theft from the flat above the family grocery store on 31st May 2007 between 2:30pm – 4:45pm:

1x Nokia N-Gage mobile phone / Handheld games console (“Classic” version, not “N-Gage QD”)
Contained “Nokia Game” MMC memory card (as supplied with the console when new) with “FLO BOARDING” game (with some of my own files saved in the spare space on it) + a VODAFONE SIM card which no longer works after the “PAY AS YOU GO” account for it expired due to a technical fault involving having trouble getting a signal incurred since having the thing reflashed @ FONEFIX UK in York around August/September 2005, and having not made an outgoing call on it for 3-6months. Battery (Nokia BL-5C) flat at time of theft.
IMEI CODE: 351521000959122

1x Nintendo DS (original, aka “DS Fat”), in silver.
Paint was starting to fade around left side of control pad
Possible dead pixel on one of the screens, I think the bottom one
serial No. not available

1x “NEW Super Mario Bros” game cartridge for Nintendo DS (inside DS Game cart slot at time of theft)
Game save slot one saved @ Level 2 or 3 (when left off last time I played it), with about 75-80(ish) lives left having already run through and completed that saved game more times than I can be bothered to count!
Game save slot two saved @ Level 4
Game save slot three = empty

1x “The Simpsons: Road rage” game cartridge for “Nintendo Gameboy Advanced”.
Was in the “Gameboy Advanced” (GBA) cartridge slot at the front of my Nintendo DS @ time of theft (largely bought ‘cos it was cheap + I wanted something to fill that slot).

Both handheld consoles (Nintendo DS + Nokia N-Gage) are without chargers (due to the fact the theiving little twats left them where they were)

UPDATE: (5th June/5:10pm BST) – still no sign of the motherf*ckers, but suddenly remembered that the serial number on the Nintendo DS started with “S212”

If I won £10million on the lottery…….

I been thinking of this rather alot lately, and here’s what I’ve thought up so far……..

£950,000 in my Halifax Websaver account, so if the interest rate stayed at it’s current 4.75% that’d be £45,125 a year interest earned on it (a nice little annual wage) + the same again in my old Liquid gold account (£9,120 a year in interest – should pay for the christmas shopping I guess)

That leaves £8,100,000 to play with, so knock off another £30,000 to max out my allowance for holding premium bonds (seeing as I’m firmly of the belief that once you strike it rich, you try to ensure you stay filthy rich) = £8,070,000

Take another £1million and split between the 35 or so friends & family on my Christmas card list (about £28,571 each)

After that, it’s playtime with the remaining £7,070,000
Driving lessons & tests = £350
Pair of fully restored Mini coopers c. £20,000
MG Midget c. £6000
Ferrari 348 c. £30,000
Ferrari F355 c. £40,000
Ferrari F430 c. £169,000
Toyota MR-2 Series2 c. £3,000
Vauxhall Zafira VXR £23,000 (to go fishing in)
Lotus Elise c. £10,000
pair of fully modded Series1 & 2 Subaru Impreza Turbo’s c. £20,000
Nissan Skyline GT-R R33 V-Spec c. £5,500
= £326,500 worth of motors + maybe set aside another £750,000 on insuring them + building a HUGE barn to store them in / work on them.

So, that’d leave another £5,993,500

Next up I think I’d blow $299,000 (£151,221) on this 1964 SAAB J35 DRAKEN jet fighter
Upto £100,000 on a custom built canal narrowboat
Princess50 Motorboat – £425,000

Finally, I guess I’ll just stick £1,125,000 (ish) on a house or two……. which leaves £4,192,279 earning about £4,192 a year interest in my bank account (typical 0.1% interest rate), which I guess I’d just spend on visiting Formula1 races when I felt like it or go visit my many online friends dotted around the world (or bring them over to see me).

Nearly forgot spending around £10,000 on fishing tackle so I was FINALLY fully equipped for once.

Best of all, I’d do my absolute best to rub in the fact I was now loaded and make every little tosspot who picked on me at school + every girl I knew since school who turned me down for brain dead lager louts extremely jealous.

Talk about taking ur bloody time…….

Back on August 25th 2006, I ordered a webcam off Amazon.com/Target for my best friend Michelle/Rainn’s birthday in early September, thinking it would arrive quicker that mailing one from here in England.

Quicker my ass……. after several e-mails alerting me of there being a delay, they finally sent the sodding thing on April 10th 2007, not long after she’d blinkin’ well moved after having her house repossessed.

Geesh……… I could have walked through the Channel Tunnel, trekked across Europe & Siberia, swam across the bloody Bering Straight, popped into California to pay my prison penpal Cindy a conjugal visit along the way, and still got a bloody webcam to Akron (Ohio) from England faster than that! Even if I made the sodding webcam myself by supergluing together all the individual atoms one-by-one it would have been faster.

Whatever you do, don’t light a match……

Been suffering so much gas since I got back from the Bookers Cash & Carry with the old git earlier tonight, that it feels like I could out-fart the kid I saw in a movie over the Christmas period, called Thunderpants